I have always been and felt on the big side of life. Big hair, big mouth, big ideas, big courage, big vision, big love, big on stepping up and thinking of changing the world.
Since I was a little girl I knew I was b-i-g for my little village where I grew up. I say this in humility and with a grateful heart of course because it’s nothing wrong with been born and growing up
in a small community, on the contrary, I count that as a privilege.
What I mean when say b-i-g is that I felt different from an early age. I never dreamed of being a farmer, and from as early as I remember education was my idea of a perfect husband.
My mother and half of the village will agree that I was hopeless when it came to planting, harvesting and all the part in the middle that makes an agricultural life. “You will be married on Sunday and by Monday your husband will return you back to me” my mum used to say. “You will never survive life here, you are clueless” my mum has always been supporting and motivating and ready to help my self-esteem, but in this case, she was dead right about it. I was hopeless!
I wonder if you ever felt like you didn’t fit in? I wonder if you were bullied or friendless when you were growing up because of thinking or being different? I wonder if you felt weird and thought the rest of the world agreed with you?
Then, you would know that it’s not the best feeling but nevertheless, it’s very real to you. We try to ignore that feeling at first and then, awkwardly, we start and pretend that we are like everybody else. Little-by-little, we start and live a life that we think is more acceptable to others, and what people expect of you, but deep down you can’t shake off the boredom, frustration and confusion that 'safe' kind of living brings.
Can you relate? For example. How many personality and identity tests we have to take to find out who we are? ‘I just need someone to tell me who am I, is that a lot to ask?' you shout.
Well, the truth is that — yes, that is a lot to ask. All of us people have identity deficiency. We are all searching, we are forever knowing ourselves. So, with every year passing we feel like an onion covered with layers that we thought will protect us, but in fact, we understand they have isolated us.
To peel an onion like that is a hard task to demand from any person. To ask others to find the core of us is like handing a sharp scalpel to a fish and excepting him to perform a heart surgery with excellent results. The problem is that we people have this tendency to chop and throw stuff from each other’s personality that we think is a stain or an ugly sight, but the exact same thing to a real craftsman is the perfect part to build a masterpiece.
Have you ever heard the story of the tea stain? Let me tell you about it.
A group of fishermen were relaxing after a long day at a Scottish seaside Inn. As a serving maid was walking past with a pot of tea, one of the fishers made a sweeping gesture to describe the size of the fish he claimed to have caught. His hand collided with the teapot and sent it crashing against the whitewashed wall, where its contents left an irregular brown splotch.
Standing nearby, the innkeeper surveyed the damage. “That stain will never come out,” he said. “The whole wall will have to be repainted.”
“Perhaps not.” All eyes turned to the stranger who had just spoken.
“What do you mean?” asked the innkeeper.
“Let me work with the stain,” said the stranger. “If my work meets your approval, you won’t need to repaint the wall.”
The stranger picked up a box and went to the wall. He withdrew pencils, brushes, and some glass jars of linseed oil and pigment. He began to sketch lines around the stain and fill it in here and there with dabs of colour and swashes of shading. The random splashes of tea had been turned into the image of a stag with a magnificent rack of antlers. At the bottom of the picture, the man inscribed his signature.
The innkeeper was stunned when he examined the wall. “Do you know who that man was?” he asked in amazement. "The signature reads E.H. Landseer.”
Indeed, they had been visited by the well-known painter of wildlife, Sir Edwin Landseer.
If you have ever been to London and visited Trafalgar Square, it was that same artist, Sir Edwin Landseer, who, in 1858, was commissioned by the British government to make the four bronze lions that sit at the base of Nelson’s Column in Trafalgar Square to this day.
Only a real artist knows how to turn what looks like a stain into a masterpiece.
If we want to know the real reason, meaning and the function of a beautiful piece of art, we need to ask it’s creator. There lies the truth.
I don’t know why then when it comes to us knowing our real self or our purpose and value in life we require it from other people, or even worse from ourselves?
“For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above--spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].”
EPHESIANS 2:10 AMP
Have we ever considered to ask God about our identity? Have we ever had time and curiosity enough to see the artist who painted our eyes and decided the colour of our hair way before we were conceived? We want to be loved, accepted, known, valued, of course, but are we digging in the truth that we are fully known before we even show up on earth?
“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations— that’s what I had in mind for you.”
Jeremiah 1:5 MSG
So, this is my new year project. To search and find me in the truth of his Word and Spirit.
I want some rock-solid authenticity and certainty when it comes to my identity. I want some real substance to fill my core, flattery will not do it.
Would you like to join me on this journey? For we are meant to help and encourage each other to be all that God created us to be. I am excited...
Much love and see you here soon